When your child is having a meltdown, it is easy to feel like yelling at them or disciplining them. However, meltdowns are a sign that your child is having BIG feelings. When you feel tempted to react negatively, take a second to think about what feelings may be causing this meltdown.
If you take the chance to teach your child about the emotions they are feeling, they will be more understanding of their feelings and will be more sensitive to others’ emotions. A great place to start is by being present and attentive to your child.
A great example is a common scenario- your child is upset because they can’t have something that they want. They may be feeling sad or mad or a mix of both. The immediate response may be to yell back and send them to their room. If you stop to think about how they are feeling, you can turn the situation around by validating those feelings.
Let your child know you are aware of their emotions- validate them. Say something like “I know that you are sad you can’t have the toy.” It helps them to know you want to talk about how they are feeling.
Then, help them work it out. Teach them that they can work through it, that they don’t have to feel stuck. You could say “I know you want the toy, but we can’t get it right now. We can make a plan together to be able to get it in the future.”
When it comes down to it, the core of it all is teaching your child empathy. As you validate their feelings, they learn to validate the feelings of others.
The Perry People 