Today, there is an epidemic of praise. While praising children CAN be good, we have become too accustomed to saying “good job” to everything. Children need to have their confidence boosted in the right way. In my Parenting Skills course, we completed an activity that I felt was beneficial for me and I would like to share. We discussed how to properly praise children of different ages so that it encourages good behavior and builds the child’s confidence.
“Although most parents and educators agree that some praise, or, more precisely, “positive encouragement,” is critical to developing children’s self-esteem, the keys are to limit it, to keep it focused, and to be honest with it.” (Pocock, 2017)
1-2 Years Old
Descriptive Praise
- I am proud you can put your shoes on by yourself!
- I am pleased that you played without touching the blinds.
- I can see you are working hard to learn the shapes!
Appreciative Praise
- You asked nicely. I love to give you treats when you ask nicely.
- You shared with your brother. You made him very happy!
- You did not take your diaper off during nap time. We are happy that you and your room stayed clean.
3-6 Years Old
Descriptive Praise
- I’m impressed that you got dressed by yourself!
- I am proud of you for clearing your plate when you were done eating.
- I am pleased with your effort in keeping your teeth cavity free.
Appreciative Praise
- I am grateful you helped me with laundry. You helped me finish the laundry faster.
- You picked up your toys and put them in the right place. When the floor is clean, it makes me happy.
- You went down for a nap without yelling. You helped your brother be able to sleep too.
7-11 Year Olds
Descriptive Praise
- I am proud of the patience you had with teaching your brother.
- I love that you listened very well.
- I am impressed that you did the dishes with a positive attitude.
Appreciative Praise
- Thank you for sharing with your sister. That made her happy.
- You took out the garbage without complaints. That helps us to keep our home clean and sanitary.
- You put away your clean clothes as soon as you brought them to your room. It helps me know what is clean and what needs to be washed.
12-17 Years Old
Descriptive Praise
- I am proud of the hard work you put in to improve your piano playing.
- I am impressed by your diligence in learning to drive a car. I know it has been frustrating for you.
- I am pleased with the time you have dedicated to cleaning your room.
Appreciative Praise
- You worked really hard on the garden. That will help it to grow vegetables that will be delicious to eat!
- You have made a good effort to clean up after yourself this week. It makes me happy to have a clean home.
- You kept working on your homework when it got hard. You will feel great when the hard work helps you pass the test.
I have been trying to change the way I praise my two-year-old son and I have seen a difference (as much of a difference as I can with a two-year-old). For example, he was getting frustrated because he wanted to put the dustpan for his little kids’ broom on the broom (it attaches to the broom). He wanted me to do it for him, but instead I encouraged him to try it himself. He figured it out and I said “thank you for trying to do it on your own. That was a great effort”. He was so proud of himself!
If you are struggling to come up with ways to properly praise your child, try coming up with some ahead of time. It is important to avoid bribing and instead help them become self-motivated. Make sure to use a calm voice and focus on being descriptive about what they did well.
Pocock, J. (2017, February 22). Are we spoiling our kids with too much praise? – JSTOR DAILY. Are We Spoiling Our Kids With Too Much Praise? Retrieved October 24, 2021, from https://daily.jstor.org/are-we-spoiling-our-kids-with-too-much-praise/.
The Perry People 